What If Life Starts Over
Ten Things
My mornings right now consist of drinking my coffee and my protein beverage, journaling/writing, and then talking out loud to imaginary podcast hosts in my camper — for an hour (or two). Some recent topics include fandom behaviors (both the good and the bad), traveling as ethically as possible, being neurodivergent and consuming too many rage bait TikToks.
“What does that mean?”
I gave myself thirty-five minutes to make a digital collage and in the last seven minutes, I deleted everything because I wasn’t feelin’ it — and then made one I’m pretty happy with in those last few minutes. If that’s not the definition of “I work better under stress” I don’t know what is. LolSOB. But also maybe “Don’t overthink it, get the basics done and the rest will be there for editing later.”
“Perfection is not the end goal. Even if you could attain it, it would bore you to tears.” Okay, Chani app coming for me. I hate/love how true this feels for me too. I think if everything in my life were perfect, I would be bored . And then probably destroy it all to start over. (See above about my collage making.)
Seriously, I can’t stop listening to Tilly Birds.
I want to make my own pumpkin spice blend because I think this one has too much ginger. Also, I want to try adding maple syrup or brown sugar syrup. Mmm, now I want this immediately. I’m just really diving into autumn early, okay. I can feel my summer SAD leaving and I’m embracing it. (Also, I’m sorry to those who have winter SAD because I know autumn can be hard as we get closer.)
Every now and then I lose a day and have to go back through my journal or my Instagram stories archive to remember. Really not loving this. Also: is it the ADHD time blindness, is it the depression time loss, is it long COVID brain fog, is it all of the above and I have no way to fix it?
Speaking of memory, guess who has once again locked themselves out of a password manager. I’m about to lose my mind, y’all. This is annoying as hell and makes me feel stupid and I can’t stand it.
The vanilla protein drink tastes vaguely of cake batter, I’m not mad about it.
Resetting all my alarms, moving things in my day around, and trying to work on one of my WIPs again. But also trying to read again. But also wanting to keep watching all my shows. And keeping up with my people. Lolsob. How do I do this?