Coffee and Contemplation

Ten Things I've Been Thinking About This Week

Photo by Thiago Cardoso on Unsplash

Hello dear hearts

This last week has been a slow integration back into my routines — which extends to my letters here.

I’m still uncertain what I actually want to write here now. These last several weeks have felt different, with some kind of shift that I can’t find the words for yet.

But I don’t want to keep putting off words or sharing things here. So here is a very random list of ten things I’ve been thinking about this last week.

1. Morning conversations with my bestie/wife/queer platonic soulmate/forever person— from the ranting to the raving, the silly to the serious, the memes to the voice notes spam. I just love her so much. I love our relationship and how it has grown over the last 16-ish years.

2. When it’s a two cup coffee day. Because waking up with a headache is never a good sign. Or full body aches and fatigue.

3. Thinking about my dead loved ones a lot lately. Especially my great-grandma and my Nina. And the generational wounds and how the are a pattern. But also generational gifts.

4. Rediscovering my love of music. I always forget how therapeutic it is for me and how much I need it to regulate. Currently: Blue October, Conan Gray, Hozier, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, Dua Lipa, Alice Merton.

5. Note to self: research birth order personality traits and favorite characters.

6. “Misophonia is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance.” It’s me.

7. Thinking thoughts versus speaking thoughts.

8. At what point does a hyperfixation become straight up dissociating? Or is a hyperfixation under the umbrella of dissociating? But also, does it really matter?

9. Leftover pizza and coffee. Sometimes it’s just the right thing.

10. Sent an email to my therapist this week because she hasn’t checked in with me in over three weeks when she said she would. I am trying to advocate for myself as a client who deserves to be communicated with and also worried something happened to her. So fingers crossed it’s just a misunderstanding.
    (Also I have a fuckton of compassion for therapists who are truly overworked right now. And if that is the case, I would rather be told her work load is too much to handle so I can look elsewhere.)