Being Queer in Texas for the Holidays

+ A Collage for Club Q

Hello dear hearts

Something a little different today. My queer heart is just tired, hurt, and needs to be held for a while.

Because being queer in Texas during the holidays is hard. Experiencing the grief of the Club Q shooting among some family members who don’t get it is hard.

Because…

It’s having to casually remind my Texas family that I’m queer by using my They/Them coffee mug and talking about my crushes on all genders so they don’t forget

It’s having to listen to family members laugh or shake their head out of discomfort or confusion at queer pain and transphobic jokes while I try to explain why it’s painful or phobic and teach them something new while my heart is still breaking

It’s having to experience gender dysphoria while I start menstruating this week and I can’t talk about it with anyone around me

It’s having to weigh the pros and cons about communicating fully what I want and need as a queer neurodivergent person

It’s having to extend compassion for my family and their struggles while reigning mine in since most of them don’t ask about mine

It’s having to decide which debates I enter when we are gathered and knowing I’ll get the “I know we don’t agree on anything so agree to disagree” when they start talking about queer people and immigration and media and 2024 nominees

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I started this collage two days ago, couldn't figure out how I wanted to finish it. I just kept feeling Swan Lake/Swan Song vibes.

And then the shooting at Club Q happened in Colorado on the eve/early morning of Trans Day of Remembrance.

With this art, I honor my queer family, those I know and those I don't, where we all connect, how we find joy, how we grieve, and dance and sing, and exist.

I love us.

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Fellow queers - how are you feeling? What is bringing you joy? How are you grieving? Are you with your queer family? Sending you all my love. Feel free to tell me anything. <3

Queer ally folks - are you having the tough conversations with those around you who might not understand queer grief? Are you checking in and loving on your queer friends? Are you giving them space if they ask for space instead? Gentle reminder: Make sure you have capacity before taking on a role of support. <3

Until next time
-A